if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
