My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
