How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
