Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
