we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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