And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
