i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you had me at cake vodka
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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