His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
