I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
