I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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