Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
