yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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