I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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