just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
