last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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