I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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