There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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