Jerry, you need to find god
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
