my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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