how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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