I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
