Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
