I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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