Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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