I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
