Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
