I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
