So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
