did you get engaged???
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
