I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
