I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
