now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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