You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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