she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
