thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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