I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
