If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
