She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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