Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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