Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
