just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We named our party play list daddy issues
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
