he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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