At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You're like the curious george of whores
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
