she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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