i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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