genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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