wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
