I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
