I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
