Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
