My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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