Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
