Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He had one of those small greek statue penises
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
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