Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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