Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I still have a little drunk in my system
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
