rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dick very happy bro
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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