I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
is it fun? or sober?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
