So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
