yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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