so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
