So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
