I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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