Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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