how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
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