I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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