Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
