Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
