my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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