Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
