atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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