Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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