Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
