I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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