Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
