normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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